HEY MR. BLUE SKY!
Danny Boyle is all over the news right now. He recently made a fairly low-budget film about an Indian gameshow, set around shanty towns and gangsters. It was called 'Slumdog Millionaire', and just a few days ago, did very well.
Boyle is also well-known for directing 'Trainspotting', but a film that seems to have been roundly forgotten about, despite receiving very good ratings, was 'Sunshine'.
Set 50 years in the future, the Sun is dying, and a group of astronauts and scientists are taking a specially designed bomb to reignite it, after the first team failed in mysterious circumstances, 7 years previously. All is going well until a slight miscalculation puts the whole mission in jeopardy, and some very important decisions have to be made...
The film is good in that it shows a realistic view of a crew in trouble. There are a few heroics, but a lot of crew members just lose it, go insane, become suicidal, and want to protect their own hides instead of focusing on the greater good.
Unfortunately, in my eyes at least, the good is far outweighed by the bad, strange, and the downright confusing. Shots are over-edited, and cut together like a music video from the late 80s, switching to a diagonal shot, an epileptic fit-inducing jumble of frames referring to flashbacks, flashforwards, and apparantly images that didn't appear in the film at all.
I am not a genius, but I like to think I am fairly intelligent, and have a good attention to detail, but I could not follow this film. I wish I could tell you more about the later part of the film, but I can't! I watched it twice and still know nothing of what happened past an hour in!
VERDICT - MY BRAIN HURTS
Friday, 27 February 2009
Thursday, 26 February 2009
Futurama - Into The Wild Green Yonder
In 1999, Matt Groening, creator of 'The Simpsons', had a new show start on the Fox network in America, that series was 'Futurama'. It ran for 72 episodes, and despite receiving huge critical success and a huge fanbase, it was cancelled in August 2003.
In 2007, after four years of fans begging for a reunion, the team got back together in for a straight-to-DVD feature film, 'Bender's Big Score. This was followed by three more, 'The Beast With A Billion Backs', 'Bender's Game', and the film I am reviewing today, 'Into The Wild Green Yonder'.
As much as I love the original series, I have to admit, the films have been a let-down. The writers seem to have struggled dragging a 25 minute episode out to an hour and a half film. The viewer can also tell that as it is a film, Groening's team have thought that the stories must be more epic than the episodes where nothing exciting had to happen to be entertaining. Luckily, for this film, they seem to have resolved that.
The script obviously had a lot more work done on it than the three before combined, as this film really does have an epic story, in which the entire universe must be saved by Fry (Billy West), and finally wins the heart of Leela (Katey Segal), with plenty of subplots and genuinely funny jokes for a change.
Don't get me wrong, in my eyes, nothing is going to surpass the original television series, but this final film definitely comes close, and before anyone asks, yes, it does leave the story open for a new season!
VERDICT - GREAT, BUT NOT AS GREAT AS THE TV SHOW
In 2007, after four years of fans begging for a reunion, the team got back together in for a straight-to-DVD feature film, 'Bender's Big Score. This was followed by three more, 'The Beast With A Billion Backs', 'Bender's Game', and the film I am reviewing today, 'Into The Wild Green Yonder'.
As much as I love the original series, I have to admit, the films have been a let-down. The writers seem to have struggled dragging a 25 minute episode out to an hour and a half film. The viewer can also tell that as it is a film, Groening's team have thought that the stories must be more epic than the episodes where nothing exciting had to happen to be entertaining. Luckily, for this film, they seem to have resolved that.
The script obviously had a lot more work done on it than the three before combined, as this film really does have an epic story, in which the entire universe must be saved by Fry (Billy West), and finally wins the heart of Leela (Katey Segal), with plenty of subplots and genuinely funny jokes for a change.
Don't get me wrong, in my eyes, nothing is going to surpass the original television series, but this final film definitely comes close, and before anyone asks, yes, it does leave the story open for a new season!
VERDICT - GREAT, BUT NOT AS GREAT AS THE TV SHOW
Wednesday, 25 February 2009
Anchorman
YOU STAY CLASSY, READERS.
While reviewing 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' yesterday, I was trying to think of today's equivelant of the aforementioned 'intelligently stupid comedy' of the 1980s.
I suppose the closest thing we have now are the Judd Apatow comedy films. These include 'Knocked Up', 'Superbad', '40 Year Old Virgin' and, of course 'Anchorman'.
The story is almost unimportant, but here is a brief outline. Set in the 70s, Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) is the anchorman of an all-male news team in San Diego, and how they deal with the introduction of a female co-anchor.
The important part of the film is the comedy. There are a lot of in-jokes that often pop up in other Apatow films, references to obscure songs, childish comments made during arguments, and many closely choreographed moments injected in amongst what would seem to be normal reality.
I like to think I am fairly intelligent, and enjoy mental stimulation from films, but I love a stupid film too, as long as it is well thought out. A lot of planning, and scripting, went into making this film seem silly and improvised. I also think what really comes through is how much fun the entire cast and crew had working together to bring this film to life.
VERDICT - ALMOST AS GOOD AS THREE FINGERS OF GLENLIVET SCOTCH AND SOME CHEESE
While reviewing 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' yesterday, I was trying to think of today's equivelant of the aforementioned 'intelligently stupid comedy' of the 1980s.
I suppose the closest thing we have now are the Judd Apatow comedy films. These include 'Knocked Up', 'Superbad', '40 Year Old Virgin' and, of course 'Anchorman'.
The story is almost unimportant, but here is a brief outline. Set in the 70s, Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) is the anchorman of an all-male news team in San Diego, and how they deal with the introduction of a female co-anchor.
The important part of the film is the comedy. There are a lot of in-jokes that often pop up in other Apatow films, references to obscure songs, childish comments made during arguments, and many closely choreographed moments injected in amongst what would seem to be normal reality.
I like to think I am fairly intelligent, and enjoy mental stimulation from films, but I love a stupid film too, as long as it is well thought out. A lot of planning, and scripting, went into making this film seem silly and improvised. I also think what really comes through is how much fun the entire cast and crew had working together to bring this film to life.
VERDICT - ALMOST AS GOOD AS THREE FINGERS OF GLENLIVET SCOTCH AND SOME CHEESE
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
BUELLER...? BUELLER...? BUELLER...?
I have reviewed some terrible films, some intelligent films, and some very heavy-going films. Now I have a chance to review a type of film that was very popular in the 1980s - the intelligently stupid comedy. Possibly the greatest of which is 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off'.
The film inspired so many teenagers, perhaps not in a very productive way, but it spoke to people.
In the film, we see Matt Broderick playing Ferris, a typical school-hating teenager with ideas somewhat above his station. He decides that on as beautiful a day as the one in the film, school is the last place one should be. Convincing his best friend to help him, and getting his girlfriend out of school by telling the principal that his girlfriend's grandmother has died, they go on an adventure...as long as they are home by 6pm.
The genius of this film is that it doesn't try to be genius. It doesn't try to have some deep meaning like every films seems to have to have, it just shows us exactly what we have always wanted.
As a species, we hate work, and love reasons not to go, and Ferris takes it further than we ever have done. He has the most amazing day one could imagine.
In a day, Ferris -
+ Goes for a very expensive meal, and manages to get it for free.
+ Goes to a baseball game and catches the winning ball.
+ Sings and dances on a parade float, causing the entire city to break into dance.
+ Drives a very rare Ferrari around all day, but unfortunately launches it out of a window, falling around 100ft to the ground.
He is allowed to live a life that others can only dream about, and because it is impossible to hate him, the audience immediately connects with him. We see ourselves having the nerves to do what he does, and it makes us happy.
Ferris is inside all of us, and we need to let him out.
VERDICT - A TRUE 80s GREAT
I have reviewed some terrible films, some intelligent films, and some very heavy-going films. Now I have a chance to review a type of film that was very popular in the 1980s - the intelligently stupid comedy. Possibly the greatest of which is 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off'.
The film inspired so many teenagers, perhaps not in a very productive way, but it spoke to people.
In the film, we see Matt Broderick playing Ferris, a typical school-hating teenager with ideas somewhat above his station. He decides that on as beautiful a day as the one in the film, school is the last place one should be. Convincing his best friend to help him, and getting his girlfriend out of school by telling the principal that his girlfriend's grandmother has died, they go on an adventure...as long as they are home by 6pm.
The genius of this film is that it doesn't try to be genius. It doesn't try to have some deep meaning like every films seems to have to have, it just shows us exactly what we have always wanted.
As a species, we hate work, and love reasons not to go, and Ferris takes it further than we ever have done. He has the most amazing day one could imagine.
In a day, Ferris -
+ Goes for a very expensive meal, and manages to get it for free.
+ Goes to a baseball game and catches the winning ball.
+ Sings and dances on a parade float, causing the entire city to break into dance.
+ Drives a very rare Ferrari around all day, but unfortunately launches it out of a window, falling around 100ft to the ground.
He is allowed to live a life that others can only dream about, and because it is impossible to hate him, the audience immediately connects with him. We see ourselves having the nerves to do what he does, and it makes us happy.
Ferris is inside all of us, and we need to let him out.
VERDICT - A TRUE 80s GREAT
Sunday, 22 February 2009
Oscars R Us
Well, the Oscars have just finished, and what can I say? I am ecstatic. Slumdog Millionaire won 8 awards, and deserved every single one.
I have to admit, and hope I do not get in trouble for this, I watched a live stream of it on the internet, due to not having a TV, and what really upset me was that during the night, messages of racial hatred appeared all over the message board, culminating in someone referring to it as 'Scumdog Millionpaki' (very witty, you idiots), causing the entire messageboard to be closed.
The same thing happened when Sean Penn won best actor for playing gay politician Harvey Milk. The words 'homo' and 'faggot' were being thrown around as if they were completely acceptable.
It upsets me that these films are made, costing millions of pounds, to show people that we are all equal, and some people just will never get the message.
I will not condone it, but I can partially understand if it came from an older person, as in their youth, being gay was seen as an illness, and people of different ethnicities all had nicknames, but it's the 21st Century now, surely our generation should not have these problems any more.
Right now, I am being physically threatened by a classmate because I pointed out his flaws in the argument that a woman's role in a relationship is to keep the man happy. Are these ridiculous views so deeply ingrained in people's minds that they are willing to physically attack me in an attempt to prove it? I don't suppose he would ever see the irony in that him thinking that about women has led to most of the girls in my university disliking him, while I get on with women very well, and am approaching my second anniversary with my girlfriend.
I would love to know if an opinion has ever been beaten into anyone, but I doubt it. Isn't it a huge coincidence that people with more liberal, balanced opinions tend not to be violent closed-minded idiots?
I have to admit, and hope I do not get in trouble for this, I watched a live stream of it on the internet, due to not having a TV, and what really upset me was that during the night, messages of racial hatred appeared all over the message board, culminating in someone referring to it as 'Scumdog Millionpaki' (very witty, you idiots), causing the entire messageboard to be closed.
The same thing happened when Sean Penn won best actor for playing gay politician Harvey Milk. The words 'homo' and 'faggot' were being thrown around as if they were completely acceptable.
It upsets me that these films are made, costing millions of pounds, to show people that we are all equal, and some people just will never get the message.
I will not condone it, but I can partially understand if it came from an older person, as in their youth, being gay was seen as an illness, and people of different ethnicities all had nicknames, but it's the 21st Century now, surely our generation should not have these problems any more.
Right now, I am being physically threatened by a classmate because I pointed out his flaws in the argument that a woman's role in a relationship is to keep the man happy. Are these ridiculous views so deeply ingrained in people's minds that they are willing to physically attack me in an attempt to prove it? I don't suppose he would ever see the irony in that him thinking that about women has led to most of the girls in my university disliking him, while I get on with women very well, and am approaching my second anniversary with my girlfriend.
I would love to know if an opinion has ever been beaten into anyone, but I doubt it. Isn't it a huge coincidence that people with more liberal, balanced opinions tend not to be violent closed-minded idiots?
Friday, 20 February 2009
Our LOTR conversations
ELEMENTARY PENGUIN “There was just way too much focus on the battles and the 'epic' side of it, when the books focus on the smaller people, and their lives”
KABUKI ELVIS “In the books, the main focus was on the character interactions, I will give you that”
EP “And the last film specifically was so focused on the battles, I almost missed the bit where they get rid of the ring”
KE “Yeah, the last one definitely went overboard with the battle. But the average cinema-goer, not necessarily someone who read the books, would have felt short-changed were there not a huge battle to end it.”
KE “The films aren't meant to replace the books, they are not a successor, they are one person's interpretation of it. The existence of the films does not render the books worthless.”
EP “I totally agree, I just think that the films are an awful interpretation. Believe me, if I thought they were a replacement, I would be twice as against them as I already am.”
KE “I think the problem some people have had with it, a problem with all adaptations, is that when you read the book, it's all about your imagination, which makes the experience very personal. In films, the director's interpretation becomes the definitive, and if this isn't your interpretation, then, of course, you are likely to be drawn in less”
EP “Yes, this is exactly what I meant, I like my imagination creating my own view of the world, and these films ruined that”
KABUKI ELVIS “In the books, the main focus was on the character interactions, I will give you that”
EP “And the last film specifically was so focused on the battles, I almost missed the bit where they get rid of the ring”
KE “Yeah, the last one definitely went overboard with the battle. But the average cinema-goer, not necessarily someone who read the books, would have felt short-changed were there not a huge battle to end it.”
KE “The films aren't meant to replace the books, they are not a successor, they are one person's interpretation of it. The existence of the films does not render the books worthless.”
EP “I totally agree, I just think that the films are an awful interpretation. Believe me, if I thought they were a replacement, I would be twice as against them as I already am.”
KE “I think the problem some people have had with it, a problem with all adaptations, is that when you read the book, it's all about your imagination, which makes the experience very personal. In films, the director's interpretation becomes the definitive, and if this isn't your interpretation, then, of course, you are likely to be drawn in less”
EP “Yes, this is exactly what I meant, I like my imagination creating my own view of the world, and these films ruined that”
LOTR : Return Of The King
ELEMENTARY PENGUIN
Oh good God, LOTR fans are not going to like me. This is the film that won eleven Oscars®, including Best Picture. Guess what? I couldn't bloody stand it! Every piece of narrative seems to have been replaced with a slow motion shot of an Orc being skewered.
I felt like Peter Jackson had gone into my imagination, looked at how I imagined the story, then pissed on it, and told me it was going to be an action film instead. This isn't Lord Of The Rings, it's Rambo with magic!
That's how I would sum up the whole trilogy really. LOTR is a fantasy, and Jackson stopped it being so, and for that, I am very angry at him.
KABUKI ELVIS
While I did enjoy the film, I can't help but feel the focus of the narrative was in the wrong place. In my opinion, the real story of the third book was in the relationship between Frodo and Sam with Sam being the real hero of the trilogy.
While the special effects that went into creating the epic battle that comprises most of the film are technically impressive, they do not make the film. While the book does contain in-depth descriptions of the on-going battle, the real details are in the characterisation, something the film misses out on.
Overall, I did enjoy the films, and still watch them every so often, as well as re-reading the books, which is my preference.
VERDICT - WAY TOO BUSY
LOTR : The Two Towers
ELEMENTARY PENGUIN
The second film in a trilogy usually proves to be the weakest. I adore Back To The Future, and even I find part two a bit dull.
'The Two Towers' definitely suffers this fate, especially in a trilogy about some dwarves walking to a mountain, you don't see the start of the journey, or the end. There is a feeling of complete non-achievement.
I could not believe how bored I was by this film. How anyone can watch the extended edition and enjoy it is beyond me.
KABUKI ELVIS
I agree with EP on this, that in a trilogy, the second film tends to be purely expositional, and so often prove to be the weakest of the three.
I still enjoyed the film, although not as much as the other ones because although the character interactions weren't as present as they were in the book, there was still enough to hold the story together.
I did feel the film was over-long, however, saying this can be a double-edged sword, since if you cut certain scenes, many fans would complain.
VERDICT - ALL WALKING, NOT GETTING ANYWHERE
LOTR : Fellowship Of The Ring
ELEMENTARY PENGUIN
As I said yesterday, I do not like the trilogy, but if I had to chose the best one, I would probably say this one. As the first film, a lot of it focuses on the set-up, the introduction to the characters and what to expect, and I like that, it's what the book did. It's probably the most loyal to the books of all the films, something I have made perfectly clear I like to see.
KABUKI ELVIS
As a fan of the books, I was apprehensive about the films, as I am with any adaptation from a novel.
Overall though, I enjoyed it, maybe because some of the aspects of the book appeared in the film in the exact way I had seen them in my imagination, and it felt amazing to see them presented in front of me in much more of an (unsurprisingly) cinematic way. I definitely think that this film is the most loyal to the book.
VERDICT - BEST OF A BAD BUNCH
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Spirited Away
A TASTE OF THE ORIENT
Since I haven't done a review of an animated film yet, I thought I would start the ball rolling with easily one of the greatest animated films of all time, 'Spirited Away'.
Young Chihiro and her parents are driving to their new home when her father takes a shortcut through the woods. They find a deserted town that her father thinks is a theme park. Her parents sit down to eat the food there, while Chihiro wanders away to a giant bathhouse. She meets a mysterious boy called Haku who warns her to leave before nightfall, but she is too late and sees her parents get transformed into pigs. Haku tells Chihiro that she is now in the realm of the spirits and that her parents have eaten spirit food. She is hunted because she is a human and does not belong in the spirit world. Chihiro’s only hope is to go and see the scary witch Yubaba who runs the bathhouse and ask for a job. In return for giving her a job, Yubaba takes Chihiro’s name from her and calls her Sen. Sen is put to work cleaning where she is given the worst tasks. There she faces a stink spirit who is threatening to pollute the bathhouse and accidentally lets in a lonely monster that starts trying to eat everybody and everything. After Haku is fatally wounded while in dragon form, Sen must undergo a difficult journey to save him by returning a seal stolen from Yubaba’s twin sister Zeniba.
What is special about this film is how no person is portrayed as a simple villain. In fact, there are no villains. Just people going about their lives. It is the situation that creates the conflict, a very mature message to appear in what is essentially a children's film.
This is a film that is obviously not knocked off the assembly line like so many kids' films at the moment. The animation is creative and complex. It is a rare film where a great story comes together with superior production values, and one where people of many ages and cultural backgrounds can appreciate.
Spirited Away is an exquisite and extraordinary film from an animator who has no equal. There’s a simplicity of story at the heart of it, one where Chihiro’s child-like innocence and non-judgmentalness is seen as having a purity and truth up against everyone else who is blinded by greed or stupidity. The imagination of Hayao Miyazaki’s world, the detail it comes in and the quiet power of Spirited Away is stunning. Occasionally toward the end, the film seems a little hurried. Haku suddenly realizes his true name, the twin sister who put a curse on him is quickly revealed to be a good witch and Chihiro’s final test is passed with amazing ease, but Spirited Away has genuine beauty. It should be seen by everybody.
VERDICT - MAKES DISNEY LOOK DULL
Since I haven't done a review of an animated film yet, I thought I would start the ball rolling with easily one of the greatest animated films of all time, 'Spirited Away'.
Young Chihiro and her parents are driving to their new home when her father takes a shortcut through the woods. They find a deserted town that her father thinks is a theme park. Her parents sit down to eat the food there, while Chihiro wanders away to a giant bathhouse. She meets a mysterious boy called Haku who warns her to leave before nightfall, but she is too late and sees her parents get transformed into pigs. Haku tells Chihiro that she is now in the realm of the spirits and that her parents have eaten spirit food. She is hunted because she is a human and does not belong in the spirit world. Chihiro’s only hope is to go and see the scary witch Yubaba who runs the bathhouse and ask for a job. In return for giving her a job, Yubaba takes Chihiro’s name from her and calls her Sen. Sen is put to work cleaning where she is given the worst tasks. There she faces a stink spirit who is threatening to pollute the bathhouse and accidentally lets in a lonely monster that starts trying to eat everybody and everything. After Haku is fatally wounded while in dragon form, Sen must undergo a difficult journey to save him by returning a seal stolen from Yubaba’s twin sister Zeniba.
What is special about this film is how no person is portrayed as a simple villain. In fact, there are no villains. Just people going about their lives. It is the situation that creates the conflict, a very mature message to appear in what is essentially a children's film.
This is a film that is obviously not knocked off the assembly line like so many kids' films at the moment. The animation is creative and complex. It is a rare film where a great story comes together with superior production values, and one where people of many ages and cultural backgrounds can appreciate.
Spirited Away is an exquisite and extraordinary film from an animator who has no equal. There’s a simplicity of story at the heart of it, one where Chihiro’s child-like innocence and non-judgmentalness is seen as having a purity and truth up against everyone else who is blinded by greed or stupidity. The imagination of Hayao Miyazaki’s world, the detail it comes in and the quiet power of Spirited Away is stunning. Occasionally toward the end, the film seems a little hurried. Haku suddenly realizes his true name, the twin sister who put a curse on him is quickly revealed to be a good witch and Chihiro’s final test is passed with amazing ease, but Spirited Away has genuine beauty. It should be seen by everybody.
VERDICT - MAKES DISNEY LOOK DULL
Monday, 16 February 2009
The Dark Knight
SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE UP-TO-DATE
I has been pointed out to me that I often choose the more obscure, older, cult films to review, and since right now, the polls are saying you guys and gals want more reviews of new films, I thought I would choose one of the best film of the past year, 'The Dark Knight'.
There was a time when people thought it was crazy to try and have someone else take on the role of the Joker because no one could possibly fill Jack Nicholson's shoes. But after you see The Dark Knight you won't be able to think of anyone else besides Heath Ledger. Now Nicholson's Joker looks like a naughty clown while Ledger's Joker is downright nasty and disturbed (yet still oddly loveable). Ledger's maniacal performance as the psycho giving both cops and crooks nightmares is so riveting that it makes you sad for all the roles he'll never have a chance to tackle after he died at the beginning of last year just after finishing production on The Dark Knight.
Picking up essentially where Batman Begins left off, we find Gotham is marginally better off but still struggling with corruption and crime. Lt. James Gordon (Gary Oldman) is supposed to arrest the vigilante Batman (Christian Bale) on sight but instead he's been partnering with the Caped Crusader to try and capture a group of mobsters. It's difficult to determine who to trust but the new D.A. Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart) is looking like the hero Gotham needs. Although Bruce Wayne is a little suspicious of Dent's intentions with Rachel (Maggie Gyllenhaal), Bruce's former love. But throwing everything into chaos and panic is the arrival of The Joker. He feels no loyalty to the other criminals in the city and seems solely interested in destroying all he can.
The Dark Knight is a very long way from the camp cheesy Batman of the 60s TV show with Adam West. Nolan continues the darkening tone that began with Tim Burton and Michael Keaton. Nolan and Bale take a sombre approach to their material to deliver a sleek, dark Batman for the new millennium. Nolan delivers a B-movie dressed up very elegantly as a respectable Hollywood drama - just one with kick ass action and a leading man in a cape. Confusing what it means to be a hero is at the heart of this film, and Alfred (Michael Caine) is constantly reminding us of the weighty choices Wayne has to make.
My only reservations are with the ending. Of course they want to set it up for the sequel, which has now been announced, and will contain the Riddler as the villain, but it just petered off into nothing. There were just a few too many loose ends for my liking.
VERDICT - IT'S AN ACTION FILM, BUT NOT AS WE KNOW IT...
I has been pointed out to me that I often choose the more obscure, older, cult films to review, and since right now, the polls are saying you guys and gals want more reviews of new films, I thought I would choose one of the best film of the past year, 'The Dark Knight'.
There was a time when people thought it was crazy to try and have someone else take on the role of the Joker because no one could possibly fill Jack Nicholson's shoes. But after you see The Dark Knight you won't be able to think of anyone else besides Heath Ledger. Now Nicholson's Joker looks like a naughty clown while Ledger's Joker is downright nasty and disturbed (yet still oddly loveable). Ledger's maniacal performance as the psycho giving both cops and crooks nightmares is so riveting that it makes you sad for all the roles he'll never have a chance to tackle after he died at the beginning of last year just after finishing production on The Dark Knight.
Picking up essentially where Batman Begins left off, we find Gotham is marginally better off but still struggling with corruption and crime. Lt. James Gordon (Gary Oldman) is supposed to arrest the vigilante Batman (Christian Bale) on sight but instead he's been partnering with the Caped Crusader to try and capture a group of mobsters. It's difficult to determine who to trust but the new D.A. Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart) is looking like the hero Gotham needs. Although Bruce Wayne is a little suspicious of Dent's intentions with Rachel (Maggie Gyllenhaal), Bruce's former love. But throwing everything into chaos and panic is the arrival of The Joker. He feels no loyalty to the other criminals in the city and seems solely interested in destroying all he can.
The Dark Knight is a very long way from the camp cheesy Batman of the 60s TV show with Adam West. Nolan continues the darkening tone that began with Tim Burton and Michael Keaton. Nolan and Bale take a sombre approach to their material to deliver a sleek, dark Batman for the new millennium. Nolan delivers a B-movie dressed up very elegantly as a respectable Hollywood drama - just one with kick ass action and a leading man in a cape. Confusing what it means to be a hero is at the heart of this film, and Alfred (Michael Caine) is constantly reminding us of the weighty choices Wayne has to make.
My only reservations are with the ending. Of course they want to set it up for the sequel, which has now been announced, and will contain the Riddler as the villain, but it just petered off into nothing. There were just a few too many loose ends for my liking.
VERDICT - IT'S AN ACTION FILM, BUT NOT AS WE KNOW IT...
Sunday, 15 February 2009
Ooh, Look At Me With The Big Star!
As you may have noticed, I enjoy bad movies, as they give me plenty of ammunition, and a chance to vent my anger at them.
Probably the most famous version of the 'this film is crap so let's enjoy it!' genre is Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K), the American TV show in which a bad film is run, and a group of people make jokes about it and point out its flaws.
The show's head writer and main star was Michael J Nelson, who I had a chance to talk to.
ELEMENTARY PENGUIN: Now you, Kevin, Trace, and all the gang had amazing success in the 80s and 90s with MST3K, and more now with Rifftrax. Why do you think the public enjoy bad movies?
MIKE NELSON: It's the deflation of the expectation, I think: "You are about to be
entertained by experts" is what they're saying, and so seeing that go wrong is fun and surprising.
EP: Are there any set themes or moments that distinguish an enjoyable bad movie from a truly unwatchable one?
MN: Definitely. Fail spectacularly and it's fun, fail by not trying to do enough and it's just boring. Bad dialogue can be funny - flat dialogue is a snoozer.
EP: When was your last truly enjoyable trip to the cinema?
MN: What decade is it? Actually, I rarely go to the theater, and mostly I can't enjoy it because of the other patrons (texting, talking on the phone, just flat out talking) but I have a nice setup in my home. I think the last movie I saw in the theater was Tropic Thunder, and that had some very enjoyable moments.
EP: If you look at lists of the top 10, 50, or even 100 films, the majority of them will be from the 1950s to around the mid 90s. Why do you think modern films, even if very good, seem to be less prolific?
MN: Probably economics. There just is a lot more money to be made in foreign markets with genre and action movies, which can be very good, but don't tend to be as lasting.
EP: If you were only allowed to watch one movie, for the rest of your life, what movie would that be?
MN: Probably Casablanca. It's just so much fun, it's smart, and its steeped in true emotion and crisis and patriotism and heroism, partly because it was filmed in 1942 when the world was truly on the brink.
EP: In Kevin's book, A Year At The Movies, he talks about the decline of drive-in movies. Certainly here in the UK, there seems to be a decline in the number of cinemas altogether. Why do you think this is?
MN: Simply the dizzying array of entertainment choices available now. When I was a kid there was 4 channels of TV and you had movies.
EP: Has working on MST3K and Rifftrax affected the way you look at films you watch for pleasure?
MN: Yes, you really do appreciate good movies more because you see how easy it is to fail. It is a very, very difficult thing to make a good movie, so bravo to those who do.
EP: What do you think is the most over-rated film of all time?
MN: Crash or maybe American Beauty.
EP: Do your children enjoy the films they go to see as much as you did when you were a child?
MN: They love movies, and though they like some of the silly comedies aimed at their age group, they also like quite sophisticated fare, and like old movies every bit as much as new ones. (For instance, To Kill a Mockingbird is a family favorite.)
EP: Do you think that bad films are made because studios know we will watch them, or that we watch bad movies because studios keep making them?
MN: I think the studios will do anything they can to make money - that is their job, after all, and I have nothing against that. For my part I'm glad they keep making them because it keeps me employed, too.
Probably the most famous version of the 'this film is crap so let's enjoy it!' genre is Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K), the American TV show in which a bad film is run, and a group of people make jokes about it and point out its flaws.
The show's head writer and main star was Michael J Nelson, who I had a chance to talk to.
ELEMENTARY PENGUIN: Now you, Kevin, Trace, and all the gang had amazing success in the 80s and 90s with MST3K, and more now with Rifftrax. Why do you think the public enjoy bad movies?
MIKE NELSON: It's the deflation of the expectation, I think: "You are about to be
entertained by experts" is what they're saying, and so seeing that go wrong is fun and surprising.
EP: Are there any set themes or moments that distinguish an enjoyable bad movie from a truly unwatchable one?
MN: Definitely. Fail spectacularly and it's fun, fail by not trying to do enough and it's just boring. Bad dialogue can be funny - flat dialogue is a snoozer.
EP: When was your last truly enjoyable trip to the cinema?
MN: What decade is it? Actually, I rarely go to the theater, and mostly I can't enjoy it because of the other patrons (texting, talking on the phone, just flat out talking) but I have a nice setup in my home. I think the last movie I saw in the theater was Tropic Thunder, and that had some very enjoyable moments.
EP: If you look at lists of the top 10, 50, or even 100 films, the majority of them will be from the 1950s to around the mid 90s. Why do you think modern films, even if very good, seem to be less prolific?
MN: Probably economics. There just is a lot more money to be made in foreign markets with genre and action movies, which can be very good, but don't tend to be as lasting.
EP: If you were only allowed to watch one movie, for the rest of your life, what movie would that be?
MN: Probably Casablanca. It's just so much fun, it's smart, and its steeped in true emotion and crisis and patriotism and heroism, partly because it was filmed in 1942 when the world was truly on the brink.
EP: In Kevin's book, A Year At The Movies, he talks about the decline of drive-in movies. Certainly here in the UK, there seems to be a decline in the number of cinemas altogether. Why do you think this is?
MN: Simply the dizzying array of entertainment choices available now. When I was a kid there was 4 channels of TV and you had movies.
EP: Has working on MST3K and Rifftrax affected the way you look at films you watch for pleasure?
MN: Yes, you really do appreciate good movies more because you see how easy it is to fail. It is a very, very difficult thing to make a good movie, so bravo to those who do.
EP: What do you think is the most over-rated film of all time?
MN: Crash or maybe American Beauty.
EP: Do your children enjoy the films they go to see as much as you did when you were a child?
MN: They love movies, and though they like some of the silly comedies aimed at their age group, they also like quite sophisticated fare, and like old movies every bit as much as new ones. (For instance, To Kill a Mockingbird is a family favorite.)
EP: Do you think that bad films are made because studios know we will watch them, or that we watch bad movies because studios keep making them?
MN: I think the studios will do anything they can to make money - that is their job, after all, and I have nothing against that. For my part I'm glad they keep making them because it keeps me employed, too.
Dogma
TIME TO OFFEND THE CHRISTIANS
I love it when a film causes controversy. Be it over religion, ethnicity, or even just taste, a film that proves to be controversial always seems to be destined for infamy, if not just fame. The only problem is that because of the controversy, these films are often not even given a second glance based just on their quality. One film that has really suffered this fate is 1999's 'Dogma', directed and written by Kevin Smith.
I thought this film would be appropriate, since with several wars, the whole Atheist bus sign arguement, and the general defensiveness of every religion, a film that both pokes fun at, and attempts to improve, religion would be a perfect subject for today. Also, I am huge fan of Kevin Smith, and really respect his attitude towards his films. He casts whoever he wants, instead of whoever is popular, and puts the film together practically on his own, instead of just passing it to a group of editors.
'Dogma' is probably his most critically successful movie to date, as it has a much more exciting and involving storyline as any of the others. In it,Matt Damon and Ben Affleck play Loki and Bartleby, two angels cast out of heaven and exiled for all eternity to Wisconsin. They hear about a bishop (George Carlin) who is rededicating a cathedral in New Jersey in the image of Buddy Jesus, a Christ who blesses his followers with the A-OK sign. Anyone entering the cathedral will be immediately forgiven all sins, so as to be welcomed into Catholicism with a clean slate. Bartleby and Loki see the loophole: Walk through the church's doors, and they qualify again for heaven. The problem is, this will prove that God is not infallible, and all existence will cease to be.
It is up to Bethany (Linda Florentino) an abortion clinic employee, to stop them, as she is the Last Zion (the last living descendant of Christ) to stop them.
Smith is known for his silly, rude humor. He is known for references to nerd culture, specifically Star Wars and comic books. He is known for every other word being 'fuck'. What he ISN'T known for is his films containing a really strong, important message. In 'Dogma', the message is positive, strong, and not at all corny, being "It doesn't matter what you believe in, just that you have belief" So forget the controversy behind the film, and just enjoy the film, it's a bloody good one.
VERDICT - NOT EVEN GOD COULD HATE THIS
I love it when a film causes controversy. Be it over religion, ethnicity, or even just taste, a film that proves to be controversial always seems to be destined for infamy, if not just fame. The only problem is that because of the controversy, these films are often not even given a second glance based just on their quality. One film that has really suffered this fate is 1999's 'Dogma', directed and written by Kevin Smith.
I thought this film would be appropriate, since with several wars, the whole Atheist bus sign arguement, and the general defensiveness of every religion, a film that both pokes fun at, and attempts to improve, religion would be a perfect subject for today. Also, I am huge fan of Kevin Smith, and really respect his attitude towards his films. He casts whoever he wants, instead of whoever is popular, and puts the film together practically on his own, instead of just passing it to a group of editors.
'Dogma' is probably his most critically successful movie to date, as it has a much more exciting and involving storyline as any of the others. In it,Matt Damon and Ben Affleck play Loki and Bartleby, two angels cast out of heaven and exiled for all eternity to Wisconsin. They hear about a bishop (George Carlin) who is rededicating a cathedral in New Jersey in the image of Buddy Jesus, a Christ who blesses his followers with the A-OK sign. Anyone entering the cathedral will be immediately forgiven all sins, so as to be welcomed into Catholicism with a clean slate. Bartleby and Loki see the loophole: Walk through the church's doors, and they qualify again for heaven. The problem is, this will prove that God is not infallible, and all existence will cease to be.
It is up to Bethany (Linda Florentino) an abortion clinic employee, to stop them, as she is the Last Zion (the last living descendant of Christ) to stop them.
Smith is known for his silly, rude humor. He is known for references to nerd culture, specifically Star Wars and comic books. He is known for every other word being 'fuck'. What he ISN'T known for is his films containing a really strong, important message. In 'Dogma', the message is positive, strong, and not at all corny, being "It doesn't matter what you believe in, just that you have belief" So forget the controversy behind the film, and just enjoy the film, it's a bloody good one.
VERDICT - NOT EVEN GOD COULD HATE THIS
Saturday, 14 February 2009
Bride Wars
IT'S THE BIGGEST PILE OF CRAP I HAVE EVER SEEN
VERDICT - KILL YOURSELF, BUT DON'T GO AND SEE THIS
Thursday, 12 February 2009
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
3 Ninjas : High Noon At Mega Mountain
I SPENT TIME ON THIS VIDEO, SO ENJOY IT, OR ELSE
Hey folks! Really starting to regret saying I would do this daily now, since it's about 4.30am *yawn* but I am managing.
Today for something a bit different, I have included a video review I made for a film called "3 Ninjas : High Noon At Mega Mountain", a truly reprehensible film...enjoy!
Hey folks! Really starting to regret saying I would do this daily now, since it's about 4.30am *yawn* but I am managing.
Today for something a bit different, I have included a video review I made for a film called "3 Ninjas : High Noon At Mega Mountain", a truly reprehensible film...enjoy!
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
The Producers
A TREAT FOR ME
Having grown weary over the past 2 days from reviewing a duo of truly reprehensible films I decided today would be a treat for me in reviewing a favourite of mine, this came in the form of the 2004 musical comedy 'The Producers' written and produced by Mel Brooks, creator of some of the greatest comedies to be immortalised in celluloid in the past 40 years.
This film continues to show his quick wit and love of farce and double entente. To set the scene, the film takes place in 1950s Manhattan where struggling theatrical producer Max Bialystock, played perfectly by Nathan Lane, attempts to regain the popularity of his plays had at the height of his career. His latest play 'Funny Boy' (A musical adaptation of Hamlet) closes after one night. A member of the chorus announces “we've seen shit, but never like this” and “what he did to Shakespeare, Boothe did to Lincoln”.
Bialystock receives a visit from an accountant, Leo Bloom (Matthew Broderick) the day after 'Funny Boy' closes, who goes over his books. He finds that Bialystock raised more money than was needed, and so had kept $1000 dollars for himself. While considering this, Bloom realises that technically, a producer could make more money with a unsuccessful play, than one could with a hit, simply by raising more money than is needed, and putting on a cheap flop which is then closed.
They find a script, 'Springtime For Hitler', but it becomes a surprise smash when the actor who plays Hitler is so hilariously awful and camp, people find it a work of satirical genius.
They find themselves in a situation where they have sold a few thousand percent of the shares to raise the funds, all over the shareholders expecting to be paid back.
The thing is the story isn't the crucial element behind this film's brilliance. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice, quirky, clever little story but what really makes the film shine are the actors and more importantly the chemistry between them all. Broderick and Lane clearly get on well, allowing for a more relaxed, natural performance from both giving the viewer a real sense of the fun they had whilst filming.
Another major aspect of the film's greatness is the music. The themes in the music such as the 'big band' orchestration makes the viewer feel as if they are being transported back into the era in which the film is set. The music is catchy, upbeat and the lyrics are hilarious. I think it really helped that most of the main cast performed in the stage production. Usually in film musicals, the performances are toned down because the cameras and sound equipment show the performance more intimately, but in 'The Producers', it has been kept with the feel of a stage musical, which is very refreshing to see.
Most of all, this film contains the Mel Brooks wit. Little jokes weave into bigger ones, visual comedy one would easily miss, like a joke on a poster in the background, and many contemporary references in a film set around 50 years in the past. Every joke in it is perfect. It is obvious that each line has been rewritten again and again, filmed over and over until they all fit together perfectly.
The film is fresh, funny, clever, and contains brilliant musical numbers, bringing fond nostalgia of the old classic big band numbers from the 50s.
VERDICT – IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO ENJOY
Having grown weary over the past 2 days from reviewing a duo of truly reprehensible films I decided today would be a treat for me in reviewing a favourite of mine, this came in the form of the 2004 musical comedy 'The Producers' written and produced by Mel Brooks, creator of some of the greatest comedies to be immortalised in celluloid in the past 40 years.
This film continues to show his quick wit and love of farce and double entente. To set the scene, the film takes place in 1950s Manhattan where struggling theatrical producer Max Bialystock, played perfectly by Nathan Lane, attempts to regain the popularity of his plays had at the height of his career. His latest play 'Funny Boy' (A musical adaptation of Hamlet) closes after one night. A member of the chorus announces “we've seen shit, but never like this” and “what he did to Shakespeare, Boothe did to Lincoln”.
Bialystock receives a visit from an accountant, Leo Bloom (Matthew Broderick) the day after 'Funny Boy' closes, who goes over his books. He finds that Bialystock raised more money than was needed, and so had kept $1000 dollars for himself. While considering this, Bloom realises that technically, a producer could make more money with a unsuccessful play, than one could with a hit, simply by raising more money than is needed, and putting on a cheap flop which is then closed.
They find a script, 'Springtime For Hitler', but it becomes a surprise smash when the actor who plays Hitler is so hilariously awful and camp, people find it a work of satirical genius.
They find themselves in a situation where they have sold a few thousand percent of the shares to raise the funds, all over the shareholders expecting to be paid back.
The thing is the story isn't the crucial element behind this film's brilliance. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice, quirky, clever little story but what really makes the film shine are the actors and more importantly the chemistry between them all. Broderick and Lane clearly get on well, allowing for a more relaxed, natural performance from both giving the viewer a real sense of the fun they had whilst filming.
Another major aspect of the film's greatness is the music. The themes in the music such as the 'big band' orchestration makes the viewer feel as if they are being transported back into the era in which the film is set. The music is catchy, upbeat and the lyrics are hilarious. I think it really helped that most of the main cast performed in the stage production. Usually in film musicals, the performances are toned down because the cameras and sound equipment show the performance more intimately, but in 'The Producers', it has been kept with the feel of a stage musical, which is very refreshing to see.
Most of all, this film contains the Mel Brooks wit. Little jokes weave into bigger ones, visual comedy one would easily miss, like a joke on a poster in the background, and many contemporary references in a film set around 50 years in the past. Every joke in it is perfect. It is obvious that each line has been rewritten again and again, filmed over and over until they all fit together perfectly.
The film is fresh, funny, clever, and contains brilliant musical numbers, bringing fond nostalgia of the old classic big band numbers from the 50s.
VERDICT – IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO ENJOY
Monday, 9 February 2009
Goodburger
SECOND DAY IS NOT MUCH BETTER
Whilst going through my excessive DVD collection yesterday, deciding finally on Manos, I found some movies I haven't seen in ages, and some even, that I haven't seen at all.
One movie was a complete surprise. I don't remember buying it, there is no sign on the disc that it was a freebie, so I thought 'what the hell' and decided to review it.
That film was Goodburger.
This film falls into the 'self-racism' category, where black people make a black film for other black people, so full of stereotypes that they may as well have hired Al Jolson to do the whole thing using Golly dolls as puppets.
It stars Kenan and Kel of 'The Kenan And Kel Show' fame. For those who can't remember, Kenan is the fat one and Kel is the idiot.
From the moment you see 'Nickelodeon Movies', you know this is not going to be the best film you ever see, and this is confirmed by the inclusion of flying talking burgers within a minute of viewing.
Kel plays a fry cook at the local Goodburger fast food restaurant, and he clearly enjoys being cool and dumb, as he sings a song about being a dude as he skates to work.
The first real 'joke' in this movie is when Kel, or 'Ed', becomes tangled in a skipping rope, and drags a girl no older than 8 across the concrete, her head smashing into the ground as she goes...hilarious.
This tasteless humour continues as he knocks over a young mother, effectively stealing her baby, accidentally swaps it for a ball with a group of basketball players who then DUNK THE BABY!
This is sick, and its a bloody kid's film!
Finally arriving at work, we meet the staff of Goodburger, Fat Manager, Old Man, Nerdy White Boy, Nerdy White Girl, and Black Girl. Unsurprisingly, Black Girl (I didn't bother to note down any real names) is the only other employee with a real main part.
After it explained that there is a new 'Mondo Burger' opening soon which threatens to close Goodburger, we cut to Kenan asleep in school, being taught by the badly-wigged Mr Stereotype. He is wearing disco gear on which is written 'Black And Proud', and 'Black Is Beautiful'. If the Nazis had been black, they would have made films like this.
Back to Goodburger, where Kel is sent on an urgent delivery. Of course, he doesn't usually do this, but the delivery boy, O'Mally, has been fired for showing up at work with no trousers on. (Stupid Irish jokes, really?)
Anyway, in the next 10 minutes or so (I am not explaining in detail, because the film-makers really over-complicated this bit) Kel skates in front of Kenan's car and Kenan crashes into Mr Stereotype's car, messing up his afro. Unfortunately, Kenan has 'borrowed' his mum's car, and without a license or insurance, his teacher is going to call the police, as much as he would hate, and I quote "putting a black man in jail".
Kenan decides to get a summer job, and will pay his teacher's repair bills over the summer.
When he tries at Mondo Burger, he doesn't do well enough for the harsh, relentless, evil, WHITE managers.
That's right, the only parts for white people are as baddies. If you wanted a smaller part, you could be one of the all-white evil Mondo Burger employees. In fact, the tiny parts, as long as they are either rude or nerdy, are filled by white people.
Kenan manages to get a job at Goodburger, but the opening of Mondo Burger essentially puts them out of business, making the manager have to feed his mother cat food. (I am not making this up, this stuff actually happens!)
They are soon back in business when Kel makes a sauce so good that everyone comes back to Goodburger.
Kenan uses Kel's stupidity to get 80% of the money made for doing nothing, and this is the good guy.
Mondo Burger catch on to this, and attempt to steal the sauce ingredients using a hot girl who Kel actually hospitalises, and go as far as putting Kenan and Kel into a mental institution, where we get to meet unhilarious, scarily realistic patients. One particular psychopath catches the attention of Kel, and they fall in love, even though she burns things, and breaks into zoos to free Kangaroos.
While Kenan and Kel are missing, Mondo Burger employees sneak into Goodburger and put Shark Poison into the special sauce, but before any tension is allowed to build up, we cut back to the institution, where Kenan and Kel start a Thriller-style dance number with all the other psychos, beat up the security guards - thats right, not sneak past, BEAT UP - and escape.
They get back in time to stop anybody eats the special sauce, even though Kel has to perform a diving tackle on an old woman.
Kenan and Kel break into Mondo Burger to expose the fact they are using an illegal substance called Tryampithol to make huge burgers. Kel pours a load of it into the burger machine, which apparently causes the meat to de-stablise, explode and, as far as I can tell, kill several restaurant patrons.
Anyway, the day is saved, and, well, that's it.
I HATED this film. I did not laugh at anything, except for the occasional nervous uncomfortable titter at something so racist I would be shocked if it was in a rude stand-up act, let alone a children's film.
I do not like the phrase 'Black Humour' for a start, because it is racist. I don't care how many people argue against this, it IS racist. Its discludes anyone who isn't of one a particular race, and that is the dictionary definition of racism.
The thing is, this film isn't even Black Humour! It is just TRYING to be Black Humour, which is worse! It's like the Hitler Youth! People are trying to get black people while they are young, so they are ready to hate white people when they get older! Nickelodeon should be ashamed. They have released shit, but never racist shit.
VERDICT - DON'T EVEN BOTHER
Whilst going through my excessive DVD collection yesterday, deciding finally on Manos, I found some movies I haven't seen in ages, and some even, that I haven't seen at all.
One movie was a complete surprise. I don't remember buying it, there is no sign on the disc that it was a freebie, so I thought 'what the hell' and decided to review it.
That film was Goodburger.
This film falls into the 'self-racism' category, where black people make a black film for other black people, so full of stereotypes that they may as well have hired Al Jolson to do the whole thing using Golly dolls as puppets.
It stars Kenan and Kel of 'The Kenan And Kel Show' fame. For those who can't remember, Kenan is the fat one and Kel is the idiot.
From the moment you see 'Nickelodeon Movies', you know this is not going to be the best film you ever see, and this is confirmed by the inclusion of flying talking burgers within a minute of viewing.
Kel plays a fry cook at the local Goodburger fast food restaurant, and he clearly enjoys being cool and dumb, as he sings a song about being a dude as he skates to work.
The first real 'joke' in this movie is when Kel, or 'Ed', becomes tangled in a skipping rope, and drags a girl no older than 8 across the concrete, her head smashing into the ground as she goes...hilarious.
This tasteless humour continues as he knocks over a young mother, effectively stealing her baby, accidentally swaps it for a ball with a group of basketball players who then DUNK THE BABY!
This is sick, and its a bloody kid's film!
Finally arriving at work, we meet the staff of Goodburger, Fat Manager, Old Man, Nerdy White Boy, Nerdy White Girl, and Black Girl. Unsurprisingly, Black Girl (I didn't bother to note down any real names) is the only other employee with a real main part.
After it explained that there is a new 'Mondo Burger' opening soon which threatens to close Goodburger, we cut to Kenan asleep in school, being taught by the badly-wigged Mr Stereotype. He is wearing disco gear on which is written 'Black And Proud', and 'Black Is Beautiful'. If the Nazis had been black, they would have made films like this.
Back to Goodburger, where Kel is sent on an urgent delivery. Of course, he doesn't usually do this, but the delivery boy, O'Mally, has been fired for showing up at work with no trousers on. (Stupid Irish jokes, really?)
Anyway, in the next 10 minutes or so (I am not explaining in detail, because the film-makers really over-complicated this bit) Kel skates in front of Kenan's car and Kenan crashes into Mr Stereotype's car, messing up his afro. Unfortunately, Kenan has 'borrowed' his mum's car, and without a license or insurance, his teacher is going to call the police, as much as he would hate, and I quote "putting a black man in jail".
Kenan decides to get a summer job, and will pay his teacher's repair bills over the summer.
When he tries at Mondo Burger, he doesn't do well enough for the harsh, relentless, evil, WHITE managers.
That's right, the only parts for white people are as baddies. If you wanted a smaller part, you could be one of the all-white evil Mondo Burger employees. In fact, the tiny parts, as long as they are either rude or nerdy, are filled by white people.
Kenan manages to get a job at Goodburger, but the opening of Mondo Burger essentially puts them out of business, making the manager have to feed his mother cat food. (I am not making this up, this stuff actually happens!)
They are soon back in business when Kel makes a sauce so good that everyone comes back to Goodburger.
Kenan uses Kel's stupidity to get 80% of the money made for doing nothing, and this is the good guy.
Mondo Burger catch on to this, and attempt to steal the sauce ingredients using a hot girl who Kel actually hospitalises, and go as far as putting Kenan and Kel into a mental institution, where we get to meet unhilarious, scarily realistic patients. One particular psychopath catches the attention of Kel, and they fall in love, even though she burns things, and breaks into zoos to free Kangaroos.
While Kenan and Kel are missing, Mondo Burger employees sneak into Goodburger and put Shark Poison into the special sauce, but before any tension is allowed to build up, we cut back to the institution, where Kenan and Kel start a Thriller-style dance number with all the other psychos, beat up the security guards - thats right, not sneak past, BEAT UP - and escape.
They get back in time to stop anybody eats the special sauce, even though Kel has to perform a diving tackle on an old woman.
Kenan and Kel break into Mondo Burger to expose the fact they are using an illegal substance called Tryampithol to make huge burgers. Kel pours a load of it into the burger machine, which apparently causes the meat to de-stablise, explode and, as far as I can tell, kill several restaurant patrons.
Anyway, the day is saved, and, well, that's it.
I HATED this film. I did not laugh at anything, except for the occasional nervous uncomfortable titter at something so racist I would be shocked if it was in a rude stand-up act, let alone a children's film.
I do not like the phrase 'Black Humour' for a start, because it is racist. I don't care how many people argue against this, it IS racist. Its discludes anyone who isn't of one a particular race, and that is the dictionary definition of racism.
The thing is, this film isn't even Black Humour! It is just TRYING to be Black Humour, which is worse! It's like the Hitler Youth! People are trying to get black people while they are young, so they are ready to hate white people when they get older! Nickelodeon should be ashamed. They have released shit, but never racist shit.
VERDICT - DON'T EVEN BOTHER
Sunday, 8 February 2009
Manos : The Hands Of Fate
DISASTER AT THE FIRST TURN!
Bad news folks, my first review is going to have to be changed. I was planning to review 'The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button', the new film with Brad Pitt, but could not, as every seat in the cinema was sold out.
I apoligise if anyone was looking forward to this specific review, but I have had to pick a different film instead.
I decided to get things off to a flying start with the cult classic, Manos : The Hands Of Fate.
Manos : The Hands of Fate is a horrifically dull film, but most of all, an absolute bastard to review because NOTHING HAPPENS!
There is, of course, a vague story, but it is forgotten through awful dialogue, awkward pauses and terrible cuts that, at first, made me think the DVD was skipping.
The movie starts with a man, his wife, their daughter and the family dog going on holiday. The husband's first line is "I have never gotten us lost before", so we can pretty much assume they are about to get lost.
The moment the little girl spoke, I knew something was wrong. Hang on, that's not her speaking! I paused the film and looked it up. Because of the way it was filmed, all the voices in this movie had to be re-recorded, but only three people were available. That's right, three people did every voice in this thing, and none of them had much range.
The music used as the family drive sounds like the theme from a 1970s porno. This normally wouldn't seem much of a problem if its in the background, but in this film its all you hear, because they drive around uneventfully for about fifteen minutes!
The only break is when they get pulled over for having a broken tail-light, but since the police officer is voiced by the same man as the father, the whole scene sounds like a guy with schizophrenia.
Anyway, they eventually end up at, I don't know, some kind of house, or shed, or something. It is guarded by Torgo. Now, I think he is supposed to be a Satyr, you know, the half man, half goats? Really, he just looks like a tramp with big legs.
Torgo keeps making cryptic references to 'The Master'. We see a spooky painting of The Master and his pet hell-hound, but this isn't enough to freak out the Stupidsons, who decide to stay the night, much to Torgo's dismay.
During the night, their poodle is torn to shreds, but the daughter doesn't seem to mind, as she has made friends with The Master's demonic doberman. She says something about being in a dark place but not being scared. It is now we are introduced to The Master.
From this point on, you are going to wish you were back watching the family drive around in silence.
The Master, or, I assume, Manos, although nobody calls him this, looks a little bit like a deeply pissed off Freddie Mercury. He is wearing a robe similar to those t-shirts slutty girls wear, that look like someone with paint on their hands has grabbed their breasts, except the hands on this robe are about five feet long. On occasions you can actually see this guy's rolled-up jeans under the red and black poncho.
The Master is surrounded by his dozen or so wives, who Torgo enjoys touching up while they are asleep. When they all wake up, they discuss whether they should be joined in their eternal lives by just Mrs Stupidson, or her daughter as well. They cannot decide, so instead, they wrestle in a very homoerotic (lesboerotic?) way, which is hilarious to listen to, since all the arguing voices are being done by one very over-worked woman.
The husband somehow finds out about their plans, and decides to put a stop to them. While he gets his gun, the master decides to kill Torgo for some undisclosed reason. He does this by gettiing his wives to just sort of, wail on Torgo, slapping him about and pulling his hair. Then they put his hand in a fire, and he runs off, sleeve alight, never to be seen or heard of again.
At this point, Mr Stupidson walks in and begins shooting The Master to no effect, who begins walking towards the screen as the camera fades out.
Our final scene shows two girls driving out in the country, only to stop and find Mr Stupidson doing the job that Torgo once did, DUM-DUM-DUUUUUUMMMMM!
This film is awful. I cannot actually put into words how badly produced it is. For a start, you can't actually hear many of the lines, there are only two peices of music, and it looks like it was filmed on a camera-phone.
This, of course, doesn't make it bad. Some of the finest horror movies were made with practically no budget.
What makes it bad is that unlike most cheap horrors, where a lack of special effects leads to a better story and more suspense, in this film, simply nothing happens.
It is also incredibly tasteless. At the end, we see that The Master has claimed both mother AND young daughter as his wives, hinting at pedophilia.
It's probably worth watching just so you can see how unbeleivably bad it is.
Oh, and by the way, translated, the title is 'HANDS :The Hands of Fate'.
VERDICT - OH...MY...GOD...
For MANOS info, go to http://imdb.com/title/tt0060666/
Bad news folks, my first review is going to have to be changed. I was planning to review 'The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button', the new film with Brad Pitt, but could not, as every seat in the cinema was sold out.
I apoligise if anyone was looking forward to this specific review, but I have had to pick a different film instead.
I decided to get things off to a flying start with the cult classic, Manos : The Hands Of Fate.
Manos : The Hands of Fate is a horrifically dull film, but most of all, an absolute bastard to review because NOTHING HAPPENS!
There is, of course, a vague story, but it is forgotten through awful dialogue, awkward pauses and terrible cuts that, at first, made me think the DVD was skipping.
The movie starts with a man, his wife, their daughter and the family dog going on holiday. The husband's first line is "I have never gotten us lost before", so we can pretty much assume they are about to get lost.
The moment the little girl spoke, I knew something was wrong. Hang on, that's not her speaking! I paused the film and looked it up. Because of the way it was filmed, all the voices in this movie had to be re-recorded, but only three people were available. That's right, three people did every voice in this thing, and none of them had much range.
The music used as the family drive sounds like the theme from a 1970s porno. This normally wouldn't seem much of a problem if its in the background, but in this film its all you hear, because they drive around uneventfully for about fifteen minutes!
The only break is when they get pulled over for having a broken tail-light, but since the police officer is voiced by the same man as the father, the whole scene sounds like a guy with schizophrenia.
Anyway, they eventually end up at, I don't know, some kind of house, or shed, or something. It is guarded by Torgo. Now, I think he is supposed to be a Satyr, you know, the half man, half goats? Really, he just looks like a tramp with big legs.
Torgo keeps making cryptic references to 'The Master'. We see a spooky painting of The Master and his pet hell-hound, but this isn't enough to freak out the Stupidsons, who decide to stay the night, much to Torgo's dismay.
During the night, their poodle is torn to shreds, but the daughter doesn't seem to mind, as she has made friends with The Master's demonic doberman. She says something about being in a dark place but not being scared. It is now we are introduced to The Master.
From this point on, you are going to wish you were back watching the family drive around in silence.
The Master, or, I assume, Manos, although nobody calls him this, looks a little bit like a deeply pissed off Freddie Mercury. He is wearing a robe similar to those t-shirts slutty girls wear, that look like someone with paint on their hands has grabbed their breasts, except the hands on this robe are about five feet long. On occasions you can actually see this guy's rolled-up jeans under the red and black poncho.
The Master is surrounded by his dozen or so wives, who Torgo enjoys touching up while they are asleep. When they all wake up, they discuss whether they should be joined in their eternal lives by just Mrs Stupidson, or her daughter as well. They cannot decide, so instead, they wrestle in a very homoerotic (lesboerotic?) way, which is hilarious to listen to, since all the arguing voices are being done by one very over-worked woman.
The husband somehow finds out about their plans, and decides to put a stop to them. While he gets his gun, the master decides to kill Torgo for some undisclosed reason. He does this by gettiing his wives to just sort of, wail on Torgo, slapping him about and pulling his hair. Then they put his hand in a fire, and he runs off, sleeve alight, never to be seen or heard of again.
At this point, Mr Stupidson walks in and begins shooting The Master to no effect, who begins walking towards the screen as the camera fades out.
Our final scene shows two girls driving out in the country, only to stop and find Mr Stupidson doing the job that Torgo once did, DUM-DUM-DUUUUUUMMMMM!
This film is awful. I cannot actually put into words how badly produced it is. For a start, you can't actually hear many of the lines, there are only two peices of music, and it looks like it was filmed on a camera-phone.
This, of course, doesn't make it bad. Some of the finest horror movies were made with practically no budget.
What makes it bad is that unlike most cheap horrors, where a lack of special effects leads to a better story and more suspense, in this film, simply nothing happens.
It is also incredibly tasteless. At the end, we see that The Master has claimed both mother AND young daughter as his wives, hinting at pedophilia.
It's probably worth watching just so you can see how unbeleivably bad it is.
Oh, and by the way, translated, the title is 'HANDS :The Hands of Fate'.
VERDICT - OH...MY...GOD...
For MANOS info, go to http://imdb.com/title/tt0060666/
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